Daily?

So I'm going to TRY to blog daily. Can't imagine what I will say, but the idea is to share what God has shown me each day.  Of course the "D" on my keyboard is sticking, so I guess it will all depend on how frustrated I get. :)

In order to share what God has shown me today, I have to back up to last weekend.  On Friday and Saturday of last week I attended the Extraordinary Women Conference here in Birmingham.  It is a themed weekend with several prominent speakers and authors speaking on topics within the theme. Normally I walk away from weekends like this with a "mountaintop high", but not so much this time.  Oh, make no mistake, the conference was wonderful. However, the Lord was working on me in a different sort of way this weekend.  I saw the humanity through His eyes.

Normally, when I observe tears in an audience at a conference like this, it is because the women finally grasp the gospel, or it is because the topic the speaker is addressing hits home for them. This time God made me keenly aware of something I had never noticed before....  Every time the speaker would mention something encouraging, like "God is for you.", You can do this.", or "God loves you so much", the tears would start pouring from every eye in the room.  The Holy Spirit made me aware of the fact that women.... even Christian women.... are doubting God's love for them. They don't see themselves as worthy, even in the eyes of God. My heart just tore in two, and right then and there I was made fully aware that God was going to use me to do something about it.

Several times in the past, the Holy Spirit has laid it on my heart to use my experience and my story specifically to speak to Christian women...  specifically in groups.... and to write a book.  I have always been willing, but I have always struggled with a platform.... with my background, I could go about a million different directions. But now I have a platform. I am to speak about God's love for us, His grace, and the importance of truly loving each other the way God loves us.  There are so many hurting women,  and that platform was given to me this weekend, plain as day.

As for the book...  maybe the same topic?  I've had several people tell me lately that I have a story to tell, and I need to write a book.  As for both speaking and writing, I'm awaiting God's timing. Which leads me to what I have learned today.

God has provided me with the most amazing psychotherapist....  She has a background similar to mine, and she has me "figured".  Right now we are working on bringing my anxiety levels down. The way to do this for me is to relax enough to dig deep inside my gut and express my gut feelings on paper.  Just for an hour or so a day.... sob, get it out of my system in this hour, and then move on.  After I told her what happened this weekend, we both realized at the same time that the next few months in therapy may have a lot to do with God's calling on my life. We agreed that I am not quite ready for the response I will get from the many hurting people who listen or read.... I have a couple more things to work out in myself before God opens the opportunity to move forward with all of this. So....

Please pray that God will continue to guide me and make things clear to me about the when and how, and that He would help me to learn, and love myself, however ugly and injured that self may be.

ALL is Grace,
Jenny