Learning to Live and Love the Person God Created You to Be

     So the majority of the words in this post are not mine. The thoughts, however, most certainly are. I just happened upon an author who puts my thoughts into much better words than I ever could. I have been trying to find a way to word these exact sentiments for 9 months now... Ever since God orchestrated a series of events that forced me, in a beautifully frightening way, to see and experience a new way of living.... A series of events that forever changed how I live my life. I cried big, ugly, snivelly-nosed, wail-accompanied tears when I read this last chapter of "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene' Brown. Brown is a psychology researcher who researches ..... wait for it..... shame. That's right. A life dedicated to researching shame. Yikes! As frightening as it sounded to me, it sounded even more intriguing. And so I read. And re-read. And have all but memorized the last chapter. This chapter validated me, to me (if that makes any sense). It made me cry because I was finally able to  say, "I'm not crazy. Somebody besides Jesus and Paul get it!! This woman understands me!! And I'm okay!! How I am choosing to live is a good thing!!!"
      Thank you, Lord, for this "hug on paper". I needed that. So here it is:


 excerpt from The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene' Brown

" I think most of us have developed a fairly sensitive bull#$&@ meter when it comes to reading self-help books. I think this is a good thing. There are too many books that make promises they can't keep or make change sound so much easier than it is. The truth is that meaningful change is a process. It can be uncomfortable and is often risky, especially when we're talking about embracing our imperfections, cultivating authenticity, and looking the world in the eye and saying, I am enough. However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It's about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It is going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. It makes sense to me that the gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion, and connection, because when I think back to my life before this work, I remember often feeling fearful, judgmental, and alone - the opposite of the gifts. I wondered, What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself to everyone? For me, the risk of losing myself felt far more dangerous than the risk of letting people see the real me. It's been close to four years since that day in 2006, when God got a hold of me. It's been the best four years of my life, and I wouldn't change a thing. It was tough, but I'm hard-headed. I guess God needed a way to get my attention. I'm not at all sure that this work is about self-help. I think of it as an invitation to join a Wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, My story matters because I matter. A movement where we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, and joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we've convinced ourselves that savoring happiness is inviting disaster. "Revolution" might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people - including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid, and very, very alive."