Good Morning! Here was this morning's random scripture, and it really spoke to me:
"Malicious witnesses rise up; they ask me of things I do not know. They repay me evil for good; my soul is bereft. But I, when they were sick - I wore sackcloth; I afflicted myself with fasting; I prayed with head bowed on my chest. I went about as though I grieved for my friend or my brother, as one who laments his mother, I bowed down in mourning. But at my stumbling they rejoiced and gathered; they gathered together against me; wretches whom I did not know tore at me without ceasing; like profane mockers at a feast, they gnash at me with their teeth. How long, oh Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their destruction, my precious life from the lions! I will thank you in the great congregation; in the mighty throng I will praise you." Psalm 35:11-18
I don't know about you, but I love folks with all my heart. All of it. If you are my close friend, consider yourself family, and know that if you choose to turn on me, I will be devastated. When you choose to love like God loves, giving your all without regard for yourself, you will get hurt. I have been hurt this way a few times, and felt just as David does in Psalm 35. What I love most about this Psalm is how it ends. "Rescue me from their destruction.... I will thank you in the great congregation; in the mighty throng I will praise you." David was being hunted down and hiding in a cave, so I understand that he was asking God to spare his life. But in my life, I can see it as asking God to rescue me from emotional destruction.
I carry my friends very close to my heart, and when they choose to "check out" of my life, I mourn it like a death. I worried about this until my therapist told me that going through the grieving process doesn't only happen in death. And it's okay to cry, because going THROUGH the grieving process is necessary to mental health. It is those who try to circumvent the grieving process that never heal. So like David I grieve, and then trust that God will heal me. Then I will have yet one more reason to praise His Holy name.
So today I ask you: If you are grieving any type of loss at all, are you trusting God to heal you THROUGH your grief, and are you ready to thank Him when He does? I challenge you to allow yourself to feel the pain, trusting God to "rescue you from destruction", in His time. I'll pray for you. You pray for me. And the Holy Spirit will intercede for both of us. With that combination, we have no option but to be okay.
ALL is Grace!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Daily?
So I'm going to TRY to blog daily. Can't imagine what I will say, but the idea is to share what God has shown me each day. Of course the "D" on my keyboard is sticking, so I guess it will all depend on how frustrated I get. :)
In order to share what God has shown me today, I have to back up to last weekend. On Friday and Saturday of last week I attended the Extraordinary Women Conference here in Birmingham. It is a themed weekend with several prominent speakers and authors speaking on topics within the theme. Normally I walk away from weekends like this with a "mountaintop high", but not so much this time. Oh, make no mistake, the conference was wonderful. However, the Lord was working on me in a different sort of way this weekend. I saw the humanity through His eyes.
Normally, when I observe tears in an audience at a conference like this, it is because the women finally grasp the gospel, or it is because the topic the speaker is addressing hits home for them. This time God made me keenly aware of something I had never noticed before.... Every time the speaker would mention something encouraging, like "God is for you.", You can do this.", or "God loves you so much", the tears would start pouring from every eye in the room. The Holy Spirit made me aware of the fact that women.... even Christian women.... are doubting God's love for them. They don't see themselves as worthy, even in the eyes of God. My heart just tore in two, and right then and there I was made fully aware that God was going to use me to do something about it.
Several times in the past, the Holy Spirit has laid it on my heart to use my experience and my story specifically to speak to Christian women... specifically in groups.... and to write a book. I have always been willing, but I have always struggled with a platform.... with my background, I could go about a million different directions. But now I have a platform. I am to speak about God's love for us, His grace, and the importance of truly loving each other the way God loves us. There are so many hurting women, and that platform was given to me this weekend, plain as day.
As for the book... maybe the same topic? I've had several people tell me lately that I have a story to tell, and I need to write a book. As for both speaking and writing, I'm awaiting God's timing. Which leads me to what I have learned today.
God has provided me with the most amazing psychotherapist.... She has a background similar to mine, and she has me "figured". Right now we are working on bringing my anxiety levels down. The way to do this for me is to relax enough to dig deep inside my gut and express my gut feelings on paper. Just for an hour or so a day.... sob, get it out of my system in this hour, and then move on. After I told her what happened this weekend, we both realized at the same time that the next few months in therapy may have a lot to do with God's calling on my life. We agreed that I am not quite ready for the response I will get from the many hurting people who listen or read.... I have a couple more things to work out in myself before God opens the opportunity to move forward with all of this. So....
Please pray that God will continue to guide me and make things clear to me about the when and how, and that He would help me to learn, and love myself, however ugly and injured that self may be.
ALL is Grace,
Jenny
In order to share what God has shown me today, I have to back up to last weekend. On Friday and Saturday of last week I attended the Extraordinary Women Conference here in Birmingham. It is a themed weekend with several prominent speakers and authors speaking on topics within the theme. Normally I walk away from weekends like this with a "mountaintop high", but not so much this time. Oh, make no mistake, the conference was wonderful. However, the Lord was working on me in a different sort of way this weekend. I saw the humanity through His eyes.
Normally, when I observe tears in an audience at a conference like this, it is because the women finally grasp the gospel, or it is because the topic the speaker is addressing hits home for them. This time God made me keenly aware of something I had never noticed before.... Every time the speaker would mention something encouraging, like "God is for you.", You can do this.", or "God loves you so much", the tears would start pouring from every eye in the room. The Holy Spirit made me aware of the fact that women.... even Christian women.... are doubting God's love for them. They don't see themselves as worthy, even in the eyes of God. My heart just tore in two, and right then and there I was made fully aware that God was going to use me to do something about it.
Several times in the past, the Holy Spirit has laid it on my heart to use my experience and my story specifically to speak to Christian women... specifically in groups.... and to write a book. I have always been willing, but I have always struggled with a platform.... with my background, I could go about a million different directions. But now I have a platform. I am to speak about God's love for us, His grace, and the importance of truly loving each other the way God loves us. There are so many hurting women, and that platform was given to me this weekend, plain as day.
As for the book... maybe the same topic? I've had several people tell me lately that I have a story to tell, and I need to write a book. As for both speaking and writing, I'm awaiting God's timing. Which leads me to what I have learned today.
God has provided me with the most amazing psychotherapist.... She has a background similar to mine, and she has me "figured". Right now we are working on bringing my anxiety levels down. The way to do this for me is to relax enough to dig deep inside my gut and express my gut feelings on paper. Just for an hour or so a day.... sob, get it out of my system in this hour, and then move on. After I told her what happened this weekend, we both realized at the same time that the next few months in therapy may have a lot to do with God's calling on my life. We agreed that I am not quite ready for the response I will get from the many hurting people who listen or read.... I have a couple more things to work out in myself before God opens the opportunity to move forward with all of this. So....
Please pray that God will continue to guide me and make things clear to me about the when and how, and that He would help me to learn, and love myself, however ugly and injured that self may be.
ALL is Grace,
Jenny
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Learning to Live and Love the Person God Created You to Be
So the majority of the words in this post are not mine. The thoughts, however, most certainly are. I just happened upon an author who puts my thoughts into much better words than I ever could. I have been trying to find a way to word these exact sentiments for 9 months now... Ever since God orchestrated a series of events that forced me, in a beautifully frightening way, to see and experience a new way of living.... A series of events that forever changed how I live my life. I cried big, ugly, snivelly-nosed, wail-accompanied tears when I read this last chapter of "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene' Brown. Brown is a psychology researcher who researches ..... wait for it..... shame. That's right. A life dedicated to researching shame. Yikes! As frightening as it sounded to me, it sounded even more intriguing. And so I read. And re-read. And have all but memorized the last chapter. This chapter validated me, to me (if that makes any sense). It made me cry because I was finally able to say, "I'm not crazy. Somebody besides Jesus and Paul get it!! This woman understands me!! And I'm okay!! How I am choosing to live is a good thing!!!"
Thank you, Lord, for this "hug on paper". I needed that. So here it is:
excerpt from The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene' Brown
" I think most of us have developed a fairly sensitive bull#$&@ meter when it comes to reading self-help books. I think this is a good thing. There are too many books that make promises they can't keep or make change sound so much easier than it is. The truth is that meaningful change is a process. It can be uncomfortable and is often risky, especially when we're talking about embracing our imperfections, cultivating authenticity, and looking the world in the eye and saying, I am enough. However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It's about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It is going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. It makes sense to me that the gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion, and connection, because when I think back to my life before this work, I remember often feeling fearful, judgmental, and alone - the opposite of the gifts. I wondered, What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself to everyone? For me, the risk of losing myself felt far more dangerous than the risk of letting people see the real me. It's been close to four years since that day in 2006, when God got a hold of me. It's been the best four years of my life, and I wouldn't change a thing. It was tough, but I'm hard-headed. I guess God needed a way to get my attention. I'm not at all sure that this work is about self-help. I think of it as an invitation to join a Wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, My story matters because I matter. A movement where we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, and joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we've convinced ourselves that savoring happiness is inviting disaster. "Revolution" might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people - including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid, and very, very alive."
Thank you, Lord, for this "hug on paper". I needed that. So here it is:
excerpt from The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene' Brown
" I think most of us have developed a fairly sensitive bull#$&@ meter when it comes to reading self-help books. I think this is a good thing. There are too many books that make promises they can't keep or make change sound so much easier than it is. The truth is that meaningful change is a process. It can be uncomfortable and is often risky, especially when we're talking about embracing our imperfections, cultivating authenticity, and looking the world in the eye and saying, I am enough. However afraid we are of change, the question that we must ultimately answer is this: What's the greater risk? Letting go of what people think or letting go of how I feel, what I believe, and who I am? Wholehearted living is about engaging in our lives from a place of worthiness. It's about cultivating the courage, compassion, and connection to wake up in the morning and think, No matter what gets done and how much is left undone, I am enough. It is going to bed at night thinking, Yes, I am imperfect and vulnerable and sometimes afraid, but that doesn't change the truth that I am also brave and worthy of love and belonging. It makes sense to me that the gifts of imperfection are courage, compassion, and connection, because when I think back to my life before this work, I remember often feeling fearful, judgmental, and alone - the opposite of the gifts. I wondered, What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself to everyone? For me, the risk of losing myself felt far more dangerous than the risk of letting people see the real me. It's been close to four years since that day in 2006, when God got a hold of me. It's been the best four years of my life, and I wouldn't change a thing. It was tough, but I'm hard-headed. I guess God needed a way to get my attention. I'm not at all sure that this work is about self-help. I think of it as an invitation to join a Wholehearted revolution. A small, quiet, grassroots movement that starts with each of us saying, My story matters because I matter. A movement where we can take to the streets with our messy, imperfect, wild, stretch-marked, wonderful, heartbreaking, grace-filled, and joyful lives. A movement fueled by the freedom that comes when we stop pretending that everything is okay when it isn't. A call that rises up from our bellies when we find the courage to celebrate those intensely joyful moments even though we've convinced ourselves that savoring happiness is inviting disaster. "Revolution" might sound a little dramatic, but in this world, choosing authenticity and worthiness is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You're going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people - including yourself. One minute you'll pray that the transformation stops, and the next minute you'll pray that it never ends. You'll also wonder how you can feel so brave and so afraid at the same time. At least that's how I feel most of the time...brave, afraid, and very, very alive."
Friday, February 17, 2012
"Working out your faith..." and it IS work!
"I love you, Jenny. I love you very, very much. You have no concept..." This is what I hear very first thing when I start my quiet time with the Lord each day. It's just proof that God knows exactly what I need to hear before going into a time of talking and listening to Him. He does love me, and that is something I have to hear from Him daily, as I have a difficult time believing it. My past experiences have led me to believe that love is very conditional and temporal. I suppose this is why I make absolutely certain that I love others with as unconditional a love and as committed a love as I can muster.
Lately I have struggled with the listening portion of my quiet time. I'm not really sure I want to hear what the Lord has to say. The last time He prompted me to do something during my quiet time, the fallout was tremendous. It has caused strife between myself and my husband, and it had me thinking I was absolutely out of my mind to do what I did. In spite of the fact that we are having major financial problems, I was prompted to quit my job and trust that He would provide for the missing income. The next day I did just that. The Lord has since shown me a few reasons why I was to do this which I won't, for time's sake, go into today. In other words, God has honored my obedience. So why the difficulty with the listening portion of my devotion when I know God is faithful?
Being willing to listen to God and do his will is VERY scary. Period. Even when you believe He loves you. Even when you believe He is faithful. Even when you believe. I am deathly afraid to hear what he has for me next because it may mean I need to take a giant leap of faith again, and I don't want to go through the emotional torment of obedience even one more time. I know I am not alone in this. It seems the more obedient I am, the more afraid I am to be obedient. But, "I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. You have no concept..." keeps playing in my mind, and reassuring me at the beginning of every quiet time that He has my best interests at heart. And so I proceed ever so cautiously, with eyes squeezed shut, truly working out my faith "in fear and trembling." And just this morning I am reminded of Paul's letter to Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:6-7: "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control."
So I "Press on...", praying the entire time that God would not make it too terribly hard on me, but knowing the entire time that difficulty doesn't matter. Obedience. Now, that is what matters.
Lately I have struggled with the listening portion of my quiet time. I'm not really sure I want to hear what the Lord has to say. The last time He prompted me to do something during my quiet time, the fallout was tremendous. It has caused strife between myself and my husband, and it had me thinking I was absolutely out of my mind to do what I did. In spite of the fact that we are having major financial problems, I was prompted to quit my job and trust that He would provide for the missing income. The next day I did just that. The Lord has since shown me a few reasons why I was to do this which I won't, for time's sake, go into today. In other words, God has honored my obedience. So why the difficulty with the listening portion of my devotion when I know God is faithful?
Being willing to listen to God and do his will is VERY scary. Period. Even when you believe He loves you. Even when you believe He is faithful. Even when you believe. I am deathly afraid to hear what he has for me next because it may mean I need to take a giant leap of faith again, and I don't want to go through the emotional torment of obedience even one more time. I know I am not alone in this. It seems the more obedient I am, the more afraid I am to be obedient. But, "I love you. I love you more than you will ever know. You have no concept..." keeps playing in my mind, and reassuring me at the beginning of every quiet time that He has my best interests at heart. And so I proceed ever so cautiously, with eyes squeezed shut, truly working out my faith "in fear and trembling." And just this morning I am reminded of Paul's letter to Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:6-7: "For this reason I remind you to fan into flame the gift of God, which is in you through the laying on of my hands, for God gave us a spirit not of fear, but of power and love and self-control."
So I "Press on...", praying the entire time that God would not make it too terribly hard on me, but knowing the entire time that difficulty doesn't matter. Obedience. Now, that is what matters.
Monday, January 2, 2012
I just don't know if I can do it.
I have a friend. Well, she was a friend. She doesn't have many real friends. Oh, she has a ton of FB friends, and lots of acquaintances, but no REAL friends that I know of. You know, the kinds of friends you can share anything with, cry with, laugh with, etc.. She prefers to keep people at arms length, under the guise of God and husband being the only truly intimate relationships one should have. It's like she feels she is cheating on God to have a close friendship. A long story short, I was the first close friend she had had in a long time, if ever. October 20th we were planning a coffee date. October 21st she stopped responding to any of my attempts to contact her. On Nov. 6th she unfriended me on FB and texted me, "Be well. God bless" That is the last I have heard from her.
Needless to say, I was very hurt. This happened at the worst possible time - I was already having major family issues, so I was as angry about the ill timing of her unexplainable departure as I was hurt. I implored her to explain what I did wrong and asked her to allow me the opportunity to apologize if I did something to hurt her. No response. As best I can figure it, I got too close and she got spooked. Remember - she keeps folks at arm's length. I also suspected her of having an eating disorder (it takes one to know one), and she may have figured that out. If you've ever known someone with an eating disorder, you know the last thing they are going to do is admit it. They'd just as soon punt you as to face you when you know the dirty little secret.
I mourned the loss of this friendship for over two months. Mourned it like a death. Anyone with sense told me, "Just let it go." And I finally have. I have turned the page and moved on to the next chapter in my life. As much as I have been allowed.
You see, God has healed me of the hurt. I am no longer mourning. I no longer desire to try to rekindle this friendship. But, while turning to the Lord in times of need is the best possible thing one can do, it comes with risks. There is always the chance that the Lord's response to your desire is not the response that you hoped for. At this point, I just want to move on completely. Forget it ever happened. Ya know,a new year, "May auld acquaintance be forgot, and never come to mind...", and all that good stuff. But while God has answered my prayer and healed the hurt, he has not turned me loose of her tail, which is what I really wanted. God has let me know, in many, many ways, that even if I never hear from her again, I am to stay in contact with her for now, no matter how painful that may be. Let her know, through cards and messages, that I still love her, that God loves her ,that I am still there for her, and that I pray for her daily. For how long? How often? I have no idea. Stupid, right? Anyone with half a brain would figure I just can't let go. That I am obsessed. Believe me, more than anything in the world I want to be 100% done with her. It would be SO much easier that way. But more than that, I want what God wants. I just don't know if I can do it. It's gonna hurt.
One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What are you going to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. And God does not tell you what He is going to do - He reveals to you who He is. What I know of Him from this experience so far: He is merciful, forgiving, loving, working in others' lives, and working in my life.
In Hebrews 11:8, Paul describes the "heroes of the faith". Of Abraham, he said, "He went out, not knowing where He was going." (Heb. 11:8). Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, you know there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. In the words of Oswald Chambers, we are to "...continually examine our attitude toward God to see if we are willing to "go out" in every area of our life, trusting in God entirely....Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?" I am trying, but I just don't know if I can. I can't, but God can. And that is the key. To take it one day at a time with Him. He will give me the strength to do it when it needs to be done. And that's all that matters.
Prayers appreciated. And I hope that, in this New Year, you will "go out" in God's will, however blindly. There is a certain freedom to it... I will keep you all posted.
I have a friend. Well, she was a friend. She doesn't have many real friends. Oh, she has a ton of FB friends, and lots of acquaintances, but no REAL friends that I know of. You know, the kinds of friends you can share anything with, cry with, laugh with, etc.. She prefers to keep people at arms length, under the guise of God and husband being the only truly intimate relationships one should have. It's like she feels she is cheating on God to have a close friendship. A long story short, I was the first close friend she had had in a long time, if ever. October 20th we were planning a coffee date. October 21st she stopped responding to any of my attempts to contact her. On Nov. 6th she unfriended me on FB and texted me, "Be well. God bless" That is the last I have heard from her.
Needless to say, I was very hurt. This happened at the worst possible time - I was already having major family issues, so I was as angry about the ill timing of her unexplainable departure as I was hurt. I implored her to explain what I did wrong and asked her to allow me the opportunity to apologize if I did something to hurt her. No response. As best I can figure it, I got too close and she got spooked. Remember - she keeps folks at arm's length. I also suspected her of having an eating disorder (it takes one to know one), and she may have figured that out. If you've ever known someone with an eating disorder, you know the last thing they are going to do is admit it. They'd just as soon punt you as to face you when you know the dirty little secret.
I mourned the loss of this friendship for over two months. Mourned it like a death. Anyone with sense told me, "Just let it go." And I finally have. I have turned the page and moved on to the next chapter in my life. As much as I have been allowed.
You see, God has healed me of the hurt. I am no longer mourning. I no longer desire to try to rekindle this friendship. But, while turning to the Lord in times of need is the best possible thing one can do, it comes with risks. There is always the chance that the Lord's response to your desire is not the response that you hoped for. At this point, I just want to move on completely. Forget it ever happened. Ya know,a new year, "May auld acquaintance be forgot, and never come to mind...", and all that good stuff. But while God has answered my prayer and healed the hurt, he has not turned me loose of her tail, which is what I really wanted. God has let me know, in many, many ways, that even if I never hear from her again, I am to stay in contact with her for now, no matter how painful that may be. Let her know, through cards and messages, that I still love her, that God loves her ,that I am still there for her, and that I pray for her daily. For how long? How often? I have no idea. Stupid, right? Anyone with half a brain would figure I just can't let go. That I am obsessed. Believe me, more than anything in the world I want to be 100% done with her. It would be SO much easier that way. But more than that, I want what God wants. I just don't know if I can do it. It's gonna hurt.
One of the most difficult questions to answer in Christian work is, "What are you going to do?" You don't know what you are going to do. The only thing you know is that God knows what He is doing. And God does not tell you what He is going to do - He reveals to you who He is. What I know of Him from this experience so far: He is merciful, forgiving, loving, working in others' lives, and working in my life.
In Hebrews 11:8, Paul describes the "heroes of the faith". Of Abraham, he said, "He went out, not knowing where He was going." (Heb. 11:8). Have you ever "gone out" in this way? If so, you know there is no logical answer possible when anyone asks you what you are doing. In the words of Oswald Chambers, we are to "...continually examine our attitude toward God to see if we are willing to "go out" in every area of our life, trusting in God entirely....Do you believe in a miracle-working God, and will you "go out" in complete surrender to Him until you are not surprised one iota by anything He does?" I am trying, but I just don't know if I can. I can't, but God can. And that is the key. To take it one day at a time with Him. He will give me the strength to do it when it needs to be done. And that's all that matters.
Prayers appreciated. And I hope that, in this New Year, you will "go out" in God's will, however blindly. There is a certain freedom to it... I will keep you all posted.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Oaks of Righteous
"... and provide for those who grieve in Zion to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor." Isaiah 61:3
God has been bringing this scripture to my mind over and over the last couple of weeks. Interestingly enough, I inadvertantly memorized it, and I usually have a TERRIBLE time memorizing scripture even when I try. Have you ever felt like God is giving you a Word, a promise, to hang on to because He knows you'll need it? The part about "being oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor" has permeated my very soul this week as I take a huge step of faith in becoming that oak of righteousness. God has been leading me and preparing me for years to work in some form or fashion with survivors of sexual abuse, and I have recently felt lead to discuss the possibility of starting a ministry to this end in my church. Don't know if church is ultimately the place for this, but it's a place to start investigating, as it has potential.
See, here's the deal. God doesn't allow us to go through a bunch of crap (for lack of a better word)and come out the other end in one piece so that we can simply be grateful. We are meant to be growing plants of the mercy and grace - His mercy and grace - that He bestowed upon us in our time of greatest need (Is. 61:3). "Growing" implies action. We can't be the "oaks of righteousness" God wants us to be if we refuse to let Him grow us into them. It can be scary, as often times it means we leave our comfort zones and step up for God in ways only possible with His help. For those of us with unstable childhoods, leaving our comfort zone is the LAST thing we want to do. It took us SO LONG to find our comfort zones that, now that we are finally comfy, we want to stay that way. But leave them we must. We have a story to tell with a terrible beginning but with a glorious ending that the whole world needs to hear! If He gave us "beauty for ashes", He will do it for anyone who calls on His name. People need to know that incredible news! And who better to tell them than one who has walked a mile in their shoes. I challenge you today, are you allowing God to do all He can through you to bring others to Him?
God has been bringing this scripture to my mind over and over the last couple of weeks. Interestingly enough, I inadvertantly memorized it, and I usually have a TERRIBLE time memorizing scripture even when I try. Have you ever felt like God is giving you a Word, a promise, to hang on to because He knows you'll need it? The part about "being oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of His splendor" has permeated my very soul this week as I take a huge step of faith in becoming that oak of righteousness. God has been leading me and preparing me for years to work in some form or fashion with survivors of sexual abuse, and I have recently felt lead to discuss the possibility of starting a ministry to this end in my church. Don't know if church is ultimately the place for this, but it's a place to start investigating, as it has potential.
See, here's the deal. God doesn't allow us to go through a bunch of crap (for lack of a better word)and come out the other end in one piece so that we can simply be grateful. We are meant to be growing plants of the mercy and grace - His mercy and grace - that He bestowed upon us in our time of greatest need (Is. 61:3). "Growing" implies action. We can't be the "oaks of righteousness" God wants us to be if we refuse to let Him grow us into them. It can be scary, as often times it means we leave our comfort zones and step up for God in ways only possible with His help. For those of us with unstable childhoods, leaving our comfort zone is the LAST thing we want to do. It took us SO LONG to find our comfort zones that, now that we are finally comfy, we want to stay that way. But leave them we must. We have a story to tell with a terrible beginning but with a glorious ending that the whole world needs to hear! If He gave us "beauty for ashes", He will do it for anyone who calls on His name. People need to know that incredible news! And who better to tell them than one who has walked a mile in their shoes. I challenge you today, are you allowing God to do all He can through you to bring others to Him?
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Let's Try This Again
So I started this blog last year with the intention of posting weekly. And then I didn't. I have since felt lead to blow the dust off of it and start posting. What I would really love is for this blog, eventually, to be a forum where people can speak freely on the taboo subjects of homosexuality and abuse. I know what it's like to be scared to share, to feel others may not believe you, or to feel as if you'll be judged. But if that's your history, and God is showing you a better way, I'd love to know, and who knows? Maybe someone else can benefit from your comments. I hope that in reading my posts you will see how God can heal the hurt, and how God can work in the life of someone who's been broken to bits. As it says in Isaiah, Jesus came to "bind up the brokenhearted". I'm no one special. If He did it for me, he will do it for you.
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