Good Morning! Here was this morning's random scripture, and it really spoke to me:
"Malicious witnesses rise up; they ask me of things I do not know. They repay me evil for good; my soul is bereft. But I, when they were sick - I wore sackcloth; I afflicted myself with fasting; I prayed with head bowed on my chest. I went about as though I grieved for my friend or my brother, as one who laments his mother, I bowed down in mourning. But at my stumbling they rejoiced and gathered; they gathered together against me; wretches whom I did not know tore at me without ceasing; like profane mockers at a feast, they gnash at me with their teeth. How long, oh Lord, will you look on? Rescue me from their destruction, my precious life from the lions! I will thank you in the great congregation; in the mighty throng I will praise you." Psalm 35:11-18
I don't know about you, but I love folks with all my heart. All of it. If you are my close friend, consider yourself family, and know that if you choose to turn on me, I will be devastated. When you choose to love like God loves, giving your all without regard for yourself, you will get hurt. I have been hurt this way a few times, and felt just as David does in Psalm 35. What I love most about this Psalm is how it ends. "Rescue me from their destruction.... I will thank you in the great congregation; in the mighty throng I will praise you." David was being hunted down and hiding in a cave, so I understand that he was asking God to spare his life. But in my life, I can see it as asking God to rescue me from emotional destruction.
I carry my friends very close to my heart, and when they choose to "check out" of my life, I mourn it like a death. I worried about this until my therapist told me that going through the grieving process doesn't only happen in death. And it's okay to cry, because going THROUGH the grieving process is necessary to mental health. It is those who try to circumvent the grieving process that never heal. So like David I grieve, and then trust that God will heal me. Then I will have yet one more reason to praise His Holy name.
So today I ask you: If you are grieving any type of loss at all, are you trusting God to heal you THROUGH your grief, and are you ready to thank Him when He does? I challenge you to allow yourself to feel the pain, trusting God to "rescue you from destruction", in His time. I'll pray for you. You pray for me. And the Holy Spirit will intercede for both of us. With that combination, we have no option but to be okay.
ALL is Grace!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Daily?
So I'm going to TRY to blog daily. Can't imagine what I will say, but the idea is to share what God has shown me each day. Of course the "D" on my keyboard is sticking, so I guess it will all depend on how frustrated I get. :)
In order to share what God has shown me today, I have to back up to last weekend. On Friday and Saturday of last week I attended the Extraordinary Women Conference here in Birmingham. It is a themed weekend with several prominent speakers and authors speaking on topics within the theme. Normally I walk away from weekends like this with a "mountaintop high", but not so much this time. Oh, make no mistake, the conference was wonderful. However, the Lord was working on me in a different sort of way this weekend. I saw the humanity through His eyes.
Normally, when I observe tears in an audience at a conference like this, it is because the women finally grasp the gospel, or it is because the topic the speaker is addressing hits home for them. This time God made me keenly aware of something I had never noticed before.... Every time the speaker would mention something encouraging, like "God is for you.", You can do this.", or "God loves you so much", the tears would start pouring from every eye in the room. The Holy Spirit made me aware of the fact that women.... even Christian women.... are doubting God's love for them. They don't see themselves as worthy, even in the eyes of God. My heart just tore in two, and right then and there I was made fully aware that God was going to use me to do something about it.
Several times in the past, the Holy Spirit has laid it on my heart to use my experience and my story specifically to speak to Christian women... specifically in groups.... and to write a book. I have always been willing, but I have always struggled with a platform.... with my background, I could go about a million different directions. But now I have a platform. I am to speak about God's love for us, His grace, and the importance of truly loving each other the way God loves us. There are so many hurting women, and that platform was given to me this weekend, plain as day.
As for the book... maybe the same topic? I've had several people tell me lately that I have a story to tell, and I need to write a book. As for both speaking and writing, I'm awaiting God's timing. Which leads me to what I have learned today.
God has provided me with the most amazing psychotherapist.... She has a background similar to mine, and she has me "figured". Right now we are working on bringing my anxiety levels down. The way to do this for me is to relax enough to dig deep inside my gut and express my gut feelings on paper. Just for an hour or so a day.... sob, get it out of my system in this hour, and then move on. After I told her what happened this weekend, we both realized at the same time that the next few months in therapy may have a lot to do with God's calling on my life. We agreed that I am not quite ready for the response I will get from the many hurting people who listen or read.... I have a couple more things to work out in myself before God opens the opportunity to move forward with all of this. So....
Please pray that God will continue to guide me and make things clear to me about the when and how, and that He would help me to learn, and love myself, however ugly and injured that self may be.
ALL is Grace,
Jenny
In order to share what God has shown me today, I have to back up to last weekend. On Friday and Saturday of last week I attended the Extraordinary Women Conference here in Birmingham. It is a themed weekend with several prominent speakers and authors speaking on topics within the theme. Normally I walk away from weekends like this with a "mountaintop high", but not so much this time. Oh, make no mistake, the conference was wonderful. However, the Lord was working on me in a different sort of way this weekend. I saw the humanity through His eyes.
Normally, when I observe tears in an audience at a conference like this, it is because the women finally grasp the gospel, or it is because the topic the speaker is addressing hits home for them. This time God made me keenly aware of something I had never noticed before.... Every time the speaker would mention something encouraging, like "God is for you.", You can do this.", or "God loves you so much", the tears would start pouring from every eye in the room. The Holy Spirit made me aware of the fact that women.... even Christian women.... are doubting God's love for them. They don't see themselves as worthy, even in the eyes of God. My heart just tore in two, and right then and there I was made fully aware that God was going to use me to do something about it.
Several times in the past, the Holy Spirit has laid it on my heart to use my experience and my story specifically to speak to Christian women... specifically in groups.... and to write a book. I have always been willing, but I have always struggled with a platform.... with my background, I could go about a million different directions. But now I have a platform. I am to speak about God's love for us, His grace, and the importance of truly loving each other the way God loves us. There are so many hurting women, and that platform was given to me this weekend, plain as day.
As for the book... maybe the same topic? I've had several people tell me lately that I have a story to tell, and I need to write a book. As for both speaking and writing, I'm awaiting God's timing. Which leads me to what I have learned today.
God has provided me with the most amazing psychotherapist.... She has a background similar to mine, and she has me "figured". Right now we are working on bringing my anxiety levels down. The way to do this for me is to relax enough to dig deep inside my gut and express my gut feelings on paper. Just for an hour or so a day.... sob, get it out of my system in this hour, and then move on. After I told her what happened this weekend, we both realized at the same time that the next few months in therapy may have a lot to do with God's calling on my life. We agreed that I am not quite ready for the response I will get from the many hurting people who listen or read.... I have a couple more things to work out in myself before God opens the opportunity to move forward with all of this. So....
Please pray that God will continue to guide me and make things clear to me about the when and how, and that He would help me to learn, and love myself, however ugly and injured that self may be.
ALL is Grace,
Jenny
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